"Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and deeds." ~ 1 John 3:18

Friday, April 29, 2011

Are We Being " The Church"?

As I travel back from a church planting conference, Im trying to process all the information I took in this week. Over and over I was reminded and convicted that for so long, the majority of American churches have just been existing as "a church" and not "the church". Is the church today really doing what Jesus did with the disciples? Are we really going and caring for the least of these? Are we really being Jesus' hands and feet in a world and culture that so desperately needs to know the love and mercy of Jesus? Or are we just being "a church" where people come on Sunday mornings just to do the "church thing", but never live out what the Bible says? Are we just trying to build our empire with programs, entertainment, extra money in the bank, and lots of people that fill a seat once a week just so we can say, " look at all our church is doing, look at all the people we had on Sunday"?
I pray that our motives are pure and that our heart is right. That we are being "the church" to our communities. That we are loving and caring for the lost and hurting in our cities. Not so they will come to our church, but because we want them to know the Lord. Jesus walked with, did life with, and made disciples out of 12 men and He calls us to do the same. Not to have a zillion programs and to make sure everyone is satisfied and entertained by the music or the pastor, but to truly get down in the mud with people.

I have to be honest and say that the season of life I'm in right now, I'm having a really hard time seeing big fancy church buildings, thousands of dollars spent on children's decorations, state of the art equipment, & staff salaries that are 3 times as large as the median income for their area, fancy cars, designer suits, all that has become very sickening to me. That's just the reality of where I'm at right now. Please don't get offended if you are a part of a church like that. Everyone has their own convictions. It is just so sad to me that as Christ followers, we have bought into the American dream of more stuff, more money,and bigger buildings equals success. It is hard for me to listen to churches brag about giving $15,000 to the poor, when they spent 3 million on a building or paying the mortgage. It just really hits me the wrong way. It is no accident that poverty and caring for the poor is mentioned in scripture more than 2,000 times. What are we as "the church" doing about it? Are we doing what Jesus said or are we just giving our pennies just so we can add to the list of things we support?

I guess the reason it has really been weighing on my heart heavy is because we just launched One Community Church 5 weeks ago and fundraising has been a vital part of being able to sustain our church. We have to have money, we have to have supporters and donors that believe in us and our vision. I just hate that money has to be involved. I tell the Lord often, "Lord, I just want to help people find their way to you, I just want to serve the poor, I just want to love on orphans. How do we really be "the church" and make our church look like that?

I know there are many churches out there that are truly being " the church" in this consumer driven world. I was so blessed to listen to threepastors of churches like this at conference this week. One was a pastor of a church in Cleveland, Ohio who read a book about orphan care and poverty and took action. His congregation has now a huge population of adopted children from domestic adoption to international. Him hearing that 80% of our prisons are filled with adults that were in foster care was enough for him to do something about it. His church alone has put a huge dent in Ohio's children available for foster care. Another pastor from Austin, Texas who had been the pastor of a mega church felt the Lord leading him to quit his job and serve the poor. With just a grill and some hot dogs he began living amongst the homeless of his city, feeding them, and doing life with them. He is now the pastor of a small church that revolves around serving the poor. One Sunday a month church is cancelled so his congregation can go out and serve their city. In fact, Easter Sunday instead of getting caught up in numbers and an immaculent service, he chose to cancel services and serve the homeless. Another pastor in Sydney, Austraillia have people from his church serve as street pastors in a very rough area on Saturday nights into early Sunday mornings just to care for people. To talk to the lady whose husband has just left her, to walk the guy home who has drank too much, to be Jesus to the hurting. Since they have started this ministry,violent crime has dropped by 30%! The saddest thing about his story was that when he presented this idea to other pastors in the area, the majority opposed because it would take away from their numbers on Sunday mornings because street pastors are usually out til 4am. That breaks my heart and the heart of God!! We are so concerned with gathering that we forget the importance of scattering and really why we are doing what we are doing.

What if all of our churches looked like this? What if we all just wanted to serve the poor, care for orphans, help the needy? Oh how much that would effect our world! If we were all sold out to the call of Christ. Our churches would would be different, our families would be differ t, and our cities would be transformed! There are 147 million orphans and 118 million People in the U.S that go to church. Oh, what we could do if our churches were truly living out the mission and were "the church" and not just "a church".

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

                                                                       La Gonave, Haiti

"Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Versatile Blogger Award!


I have been given the Versatile Blogger Award by Sharon from http://mamasturnnow.blogspot.com. Thanks Sharon, I need to get the word out there about my blog and I appreciate your help! There are rules that go along with this award and the first is for me to list 10 things about myself, so here goes...

1. I am married to a pastor/church planter (obviously from blog title!)
2. Jesus is my everything...there is NO way I could make it thru without Him!
3. We recently moved to Atlanta from Ohio.
4. I was born and raised in Harrodsburg, Kentucky & lived in the same house from birth til I got married!
5. I love to eat, shop, watch movies, travel, read, listen to worship music, be outside, take walks, play with my kids.
6. I love Ethiopia!!! It is one of my favorite places in the world!
7. My daughter is adopted from Ethiopia and I hope to adopt again one day. Adoption has changed my life!
8. I love the smell of breakfast cooking in the morning.
9. My guilty pleasure is reading celebrity gossip.
10. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspergers, and somedays I feel like I'm going to loose my mind & others I think I can take on the world (may depend on what time of the month it is lol).

Okay now I'm supposed to list other new blogs that I read and present them with award. Since I'm new to this I don't know many new blogs, so I will just put those I read. Check them out!

thisshubinclan.blogspot.com
getrealsisters.blogspot.com
blessedbt10.blogspot.com
weldieadoptionstory.blogspot.com
insidemyfishbowl.com
mommytothemonsters.com
blessedbentons.blogspot.com
ourgiftsfromgod-jenny.blogspot.com
lovelifeandaspieantics.blogspot.com
largefamilymomma.blogspot.com
walseradoptionadventures.blogspot.com
buildingmemoriestogether.blogspot.com
theinvisiblepastorswife.blogspot.com
and make sure you also check out mamasturnnow.blogspot.com

If you receive this award, here are the rules:
1.Winners grab the image above and put it in your blog.
2.Link back to the person who gave you it.
3.Tell 10 interesting things about yourself
4.Award 15 recently discovered bloggers.
5.Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won.


Happy Blogging!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Questions and Guilt of this Mom..

Layla has been in preschool now for 2 weeks and surprisingly is doing very well. The paint center was a hit right away for her. There hasn't been a day yet that she hasn't came home with paint from head to toe! She was evaluated for a special needs preschool in the public school and qualified, but they couldn't get her in until the fall. Knowing that she needed more social interaction with children her own age, we decided to put her in a regular preschool with typically developing peers for the spring and summer.






Last week I received an email from one of her teachers saying that Layla is on target for her age in social skills and is getting along wonderfully with her classmates. This was surprising to me because it seems that we go thru one battle after another at home and when we take her anywhere. She is very social, but often has meltdowns, sometimes comes across like a bully to children, says inappropriate things at inappropriate times, is very defiant especially to people she is comfortable with,  and has a hard time sitting for very long.  She is such a special little girl and is hilarious, affectionate, loves to laugh, is very smart, and is the sassiest little thing you will ever meet,  but also has many challenging behaviors that I'm often at a loss as to what to do. So, you can imagine my amazement when the teacher said, "we haven't had any problems at all!" Then to top that off, yesterday the teacher said, " Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting, but I can't tell any difference in her and our other friends in the class."

I'm so relieved that she is doing well and not beating up or bossing the other children in her class, but once again the question I have asked myself 1 zillion times since the diagnosis, "Does she really have Aspergers?" Don't get me wrong, I know there is something going on or I wouldn't have had her evaluated, but is Aspergers really it? Could it be something else? There are some characteristics that fit, but other things that are so far off. Then you throw in the fact that she is adopted from a third world country, was severely malnourished, and even more questions surface and satan begins to invade my mind with guilt. Could I have done more when she was younger? Could I have prevented this? Maybe I should have worked harder on attachment and bonding when we first arrived home (I was very sick for a few days after we arrived home and couldn't get out of bed)? Maybe I shouldn't have listened to the doctors and had her immunized a second time when we arrived in the states. And the questions and thoughts of guilt go on and on. Could it be Reactive Attachment Disorder (although she has bonded to our family and some friends very well)? Could it be Oppositional Defiance Disorder (she shows every characteristic, but I'm told this often goes along with Aspergers)? Could it be Sensory Processing Disorder (she is under-sensitive to touch and other things which again brings me back to the fact she wasn't held or touched much in her first 6 months of life)? Right now I honestly don't know. This is what we have now so we're going with it until we get more answers.

It is so hard to see your child struggle and there is nothing you can do or know to do that seems to be working. Today our melt downs included her brother sitting in "her spot" at the table, not being able to get a belt buckled, having a hard time getting her pants on "the right way", a sweet potato being on her plate, and her hot dog being cut up (she wanted a "big" hot dog). It seems that no matter what I do or try, there is absolutely no reasoning with her. It is a screaming fit, and she hits an octave I have never heard from any human being in my life! Then I also see Izaiah and Braylon struggling as well. We try to discipline her in the same way we do the boys, but if we honestly did that she would be in her room all day everyday, no joke. It broke my heart the other night when I was putting the boys to bed after one of Layla's episodes, I told the boys, "you know mommy loves you with all my heart?" Braylon said, "yeah, but you love Layla more." In that moment I wanted to cry my eyes out. The Lord gave me the strength to explain to him that I didn't love Layla anymore, its just that Layla requires a little more attention and I was so sorry that I made him feel that way.

Since Layla has started preschool I have been able to spend more time with the boys and it has giving me much needed respite. I feel much less stressed and tense at the end of every day. It has made such a difference in the boys as well, but once again I feel guilt. Guilt that "I" was not able to give her what she needed when she was home with me, guilt that our whole family can't be together during the day, guilt that her behavior makes me so tense and stressed that I need the break, and guilt that I'm away from her for 5 hours everyday. I know that guilt is not from God and these are all satan's attacks on my mind (remember when I said I feel there are 10 people in my head?). I'm praying for the Lord to be my shield and my helmet as satan sends these arrows my way. He is teaching me so much through my sweet little Layla. How much He loves us unconditionally and what unconditional love really looks like. Also teaching me that what He calls us to do in this life is not easy. He says that it will be hard, that we will struggle, that to truly follow him, "care for orphans and widows", is not all glitz and glamour. It is hard! But God is glorified, we gain character and perseverance, and we look forward to the day when every tear will be wiped away and everything will be as it should be.

I have often got the feeling that people wanted to ask me, if I knew then what I know now, would we still have adopted? That is a question I don't even have to think about! Absolutely! I would not change one thing. She has changed our lives and made us so much closer to God. She is truly a blessing. In fact, we will probably adopt again! Adoption is addictive by the way.  How thankful I am that the Lord adopted me! I'm still amazed that he would never change His mind, no matter how much I screw up, doubt, and feel inadequate; He still loves me exactly the same. His love never ever changes. Praise God!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Here Goes This Blogging Thing...

I never ever thought I would blog....just like I never thought I would have kids a year apart, never thought I would homeschool, never thought I would live in Ohio or Atlanta, and never thought I would be helping my husband plant a church. But here I go again doing one of those things I never thought I would do.  Not because I don't like blogs, in fact, I actually read a lot of them. I guess I just never thought anyone would want to read about the comings and goings of my life. I'm just an ordinary girl from Kentucky, with a sort of (maybe not), ordinary life.  It has just been in the past few months that I have felt the leading to start blogging. I'm definitely nobody special, but I'm praying that I can be of some encouragement to other preacher's wives, church planter's wives, adoptive parents, and families of special needs children. I'm still learning and growing day by day, but I'm hoping some of you may relate with the craziness of my life, and the rest of you can just have a good laugh!
Here goes a speedy version of the past 9 years...
-Married in 2002
-Gave birth to Izaiah in 2004
-Graduated College in May 2005
-Gave birth to Braylon in May 2005
-Moved to Hillsboro, Ohio in April 2007
-Adopted Layla from Ethiopia in July 2008
-Helped start SHCI in April 2009
-Moved to Atlanta in August 2010
-Layla was diagnosed with Aspergers November 2010
-ONE Community launched March 2011

Not to mention that in the midst of all this we moved into 6 different houses & lived in 3 states! This has all happened in 9 years!!! If the Lord says, go, we go, move we move, do we do & I guess you can say this has lead to an exciting, fun, overwhelming, uncomfortable, challenging, but VERY BLESSED life! I cannot imagine our life any other way and oh what we would have missed had we chose to take an easier, more comfortable route.

I'm learning day by day that Jesus really is enough. His grace is sufficient for me. I'm an imperfect person that has been embraced and accepted and loved by a perfect God.

I have to say that this past year has been the hardest yet, but I know the Lord calls us to rejoice in our sufferings. Honestly, there are days that I just don't feel like rejoicing. There have been days where I feel like there are 10 people talking to me in my head, at once (no I'm not crazy). Hopefully some of you ladies can relate?! Days that I know if it wasn't for Jesus, I probably would really loose my mind! Planting a church and raising a child with Aspergers is tough! What the Lord is teaching me is that I don't have to pretend like I have it all together, because I don't and nobody does if they're honest. But  my natural tendency is to TRY with all my might to hold it together at all cost, but the past 8 months I have had no choice. Our life has been out there for the world to see, imperfections and all. New friends that don't know us well have witnessed us struggle over decisions, get impatient, feel helpless and out of control. They have seen us grieve over our daughter's diagnosis and wrestle with what to do next. All the while trying to build new relationships and feeling that if only they liked me or my family, maybe they would come to church, and meet Jesus there. The Lord continues to tell me "you cannot do what only I can do." It is our job to plant the seed, to pray, to fast, to love, to serve, and let God do the rest. We must let Him have control of our life and our mind. I cannot even begin to tell you how the Lord has proven Himself faithful over and over again and sometimes we miss His movement in our lives, if we're not in the valley looking UP.
" The ONE who has called us is faithful and He will do it." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:24